Monday, October 13, 2003
The show has officially come to a close.
Yesterday morning when I woke up, I immediately began to feel depressed. It took me hours to drag myself out of bed and once I finally did, I spent most of the day sporadically crying. Not only was I upset that the show was over, I was upset that I wouldn’t be seeing Ian and Sarah (two of the other people in the show) every day. And above all of this, I was most upset that I had to say goodbye to my character, Neechee. It is quite difficult to spend 3 months pretending that you are someone else, knowing that eventually you will have to just stop and never be that person again. At 26 years old, I find it very hard to believe that I will be playing this 17-year old character again in the future. I think I could be getting a bit too old for that.
It was a very emotional evening for all of us. The show was a complete success and the audiences seemed to be really affected by both the play’s content and the performances we gave. All of my friends from college came on Saturday night and for me, that was the best performance I did. The tears flew out of my face easily and I felt completely focused the entire time. Afterwards, they popped open a bottle of champagne for us and then we hit some local Manhattan bars and ended up partying at their hotel for awhile. It was an amazing night. One of the absolute best. As we said goodbye and got into the elevator, I started to cry. I miss my Rita so much that seeing her for such a short time really broke my heart. I wanted her to stay forever.
Now that the show is over, I am pretty excited to have some time to myself. It will be great to get some real rest and relaxation as well as be able to go out with my friends and party it up! For instance, this Thursday, I am going out with 8 fellow gay men for an event that has been dubbed “Gay Sex out in the City”. I only know three of the guys that are going to be there, but I am SO excited to be able to get together with a group of gays for a night out at the bars. YAY! I am SO going to fuck all of them in the ass. Ok, sike. They are so going to fuck me in the ass. Ok, sick.
Anyhoodle, Paul took such good care of me yesterday. I called him around 4pm yesterday very upset and he immediately calmed me down and made me feel better. He was going to bring two friends of his to the show, but I asked him to come alone cuz I really wanted to spend the evening with just him. As we were leaving, a few tears escaped my eyes and Paul put his arm around me (in the middle of Brooklyn!) and walked me to the subway. We got back to his apartment, smoked a bowl, and then he took me out to a wonderful dinner. It was exactly the way I wanted to spend the evening.
Sometimes Paul really does come through for me. Let it not go unnoticed.
Tonight we are planning on going to dinner again and then cuddling and watching TV. I am SO excited to have the night off and to be able to spend it with him. We are going to watch The Simpsons together and just enjoy being in each other’s presence. Just like the olden days. You know, the days when everything was covered in Sepia.
You understand.
Some tidbits about this weekend:
On Friday night, in the middle of a performance, I went backstage to get ready for my next scene. While there I realized that the gun I have to pull at the end of the play wasn’t in it’s appropriate spot. I immediately start to panic and look at Kelly and go: “THE GUN IS MISSING! THE FUCKING GUN IS MISSING!” She was so calm and was like “I will find it. Just focus and don’t worry about it.” In turn, I responded “BUT THE FUCKING GUN! HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID TO NOT CHECK ON IT?! I CAN’T DO THE SHOW WITHOUT KNOWING WHERE THE GUN IS!?!?!?!” I forced myself to shut up and after the next scene, she found it and took my heart out of my throat and put it back into my chest.
Last night, the video camera that we use for the live feed, fell down and crashed right at the end of the performance. Kelly and I didn’t even wince. We just continued with our dialogue. Also, every person who drank a beer during the performance managed to drop it 103 times during the show. It was like performing for a bunch of wasted Frat. guys.
Also on Friday, Megan, the director, was holding on to Kelly’s cell phone during the show and wouldn’t you know it? IT RANG IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR PERFORMANCE. Ironically enough, the caller was a guy that was in the company’s last show. On the message he said: “I think you are in the middle of a performance. I hope you remembered to turn off the ringer.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. No. Kelly did not remember.
The financial investor never showed up. Nor did he call. Bastid.
BUT, the parents of the playwright came and it was such an unforgettable experience meeting them and being in their presence. They fully enjoyed the show and had some powerful things to say to me after it was over. I hugged them a couple of times and felt completely fulfilled.
Things with Ian and I ended on a high note. He and I have plans to hang out at the end of the week or early next week. I am going to miss him very much. Although a bit difficult to work with, he has taught me a great deal about myself. This experience wouldn’t have been the same if he and I didn’t form the bond that we did.
I feel so blessed by all of this. The show went well, everyone I know came out to support me, and I fully believe that all those in attendance were moved by my performance.
Now.
On to bigger and better.
God willing.
Yesterday morning when I woke up, I immediately began to feel depressed. It took me hours to drag myself out of bed and once I finally did, I spent most of the day sporadically crying. Not only was I upset that the show was over, I was upset that I wouldn’t be seeing Ian and Sarah (two of the other people in the show) every day. And above all of this, I was most upset that I had to say goodbye to my character, Neechee. It is quite difficult to spend 3 months pretending that you are someone else, knowing that eventually you will have to just stop and never be that person again. At 26 years old, I find it very hard to believe that I will be playing this 17-year old character again in the future. I think I could be getting a bit too old for that.
It was a very emotional evening for all of us. The show was a complete success and the audiences seemed to be really affected by both the play’s content and the performances we gave. All of my friends from college came on Saturday night and for me, that was the best performance I did. The tears flew out of my face easily and I felt completely focused the entire time. Afterwards, they popped open a bottle of champagne for us and then we hit some local Manhattan bars and ended up partying at their hotel for awhile. It was an amazing night. One of the absolute best. As we said goodbye and got into the elevator, I started to cry. I miss my Rita so much that seeing her for such a short time really broke my heart. I wanted her to stay forever.
Now that the show is over, I am pretty excited to have some time to myself. It will be great to get some real rest and relaxation as well as be able to go out with my friends and party it up! For instance, this Thursday, I am going out with 8 fellow gay men for an event that has been dubbed “Gay Sex out in the City”. I only know three of the guys that are going to be there, but I am SO excited to be able to get together with a group of gays for a night out at the bars. YAY! I am SO going to fuck all of them in the ass. Ok, sike. They are so going to fuck me in the ass. Ok, sick.
Anyhoodle, Paul took such good care of me yesterday. I called him around 4pm yesterday very upset and he immediately calmed me down and made me feel better. He was going to bring two friends of his to the show, but I asked him to come alone cuz I really wanted to spend the evening with just him. As we were leaving, a few tears escaped my eyes and Paul put his arm around me (in the middle of Brooklyn!) and walked me to the subway. We got back to his apartment, smoked a bowl, and then he took me out to a wonderful dinner. It was exactly the way I wanted to spend the evening.
Sometimes Paul really does come through for me. Let it not go unnoticed.
Tonight we are planning on going to dinner again and then cuddling and watching TV. I am SO excited to have the night off and to be able to spend it with him. We are going to watch The Simpsons together and just enjoy being in each other’s presence. Just like the olden days. You know, the days when everything was covered in Sepia.
You understand.
Some tidbits about this weekend:
On Friday night, in the middle of a performance, I went backstage to get ready for my next scene. While there I realized that the gun I have to pull at the end of the play wasn’t in it’s appropriate spot. I immediately start to panic and look at Kelly and go: “THE GUN IS MISSING! THE FUCKING GUN IS MISSING!” She was so calm and was like “I will find it. Just focus and don’t worry about it.” In turn, I responded “BUT THE FUCKING GUN! HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID TO NOT CHECK ON IT?! I CAN’T DO THE SHOW WITHOUT KNOWING WHERE THE GUN IS!?!?!?!” I forced myself to shut up and after the next scene, she found it and took my heart out of my throat and put it back into my chest.
Last night, the video camera that we use for the live feed, fell down and crashed right at the end of the performance. Kelly and I didn’t even wince. We just continued with our dialogue. Also, every person who drank a beer during the performance managed to drop it 103 times during the show. It was like performing for a bunch of wasted Frat. guys.
Also on Friday, Megan, the director, was holding on to Kelly’s cell phone during the show and wouldn’t you know it? IT RANG IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR PERFORMANCE. Ironically enough, the caller was a guy that was in the company’s last show. On the message he said: “I think you are in the middle of a performance. I hope you remembered to turn off the ringer.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. No. Kelly did not remember.
The financial investor never showed up. Nor did he call. Bastid.
BUT, the parents of the playwright came and it was such an unforgettable experience meeting them and being in their presence. They fully enjoyed the show and had some powerful things to say to me after it was over. I hugged them a couple of times and felt completely fulfilled.
Things with Ian and I ended on a high note. He and I have plans to hang out at the end of the week or early next week. I am going to miss him very much. Although a bit difficult to work with, he has taught me a great deal about myself. This experience wouldn’t have been the same if he and I didn’t form the bond that we did.
I feel so blessed by all of this. The show went well, everyone I know came out to support me, and I fully believe that all those in attendance were moved by my performance.
Now.
On to bigger and better.
God willing.
